struggle

struggle

my mind is blown my mind is blown, tossing and turning worrying about life events
i am worry or is worry me, worrying  about when my next pay check is to come, living day by day counting my coins, as i lay the bills out on the table, putting a hundred here 50 here for the light and the gas, or the water, grief and worry outline my face, as the struggle outline my frown lines, putting in hard work, making ends meet and stretch to the next cycle of events, that my happen to pop out of this air. of despair
a dollar here and a dollar short, paying Caesar things to Caesar, because he wants and go get  and will get his  due, by twice a month appearing on your livelihood called deduction that they say will help you in the long run, oh down around the end of the year stepping into the new year, oh tax time, taxing to the point  that  you barely have anything to account for, like a every ending cycle of trying to play catch up in this game called life. I may pay Caesar things to Caesar but i pay all things to the lord above, my life my breath just waking up to to day, but the almighty gods son pay the ultimate price for us to have the chance to have a longtime respite of love and comfort, and peace, and harmony not wanting for anything, living in pure safety and happiness. he just ask us to be  patient, be long suffering, and that he would never let us go threw anything that we can't bare.

But be mindful that this struggle is real, and its laying in the power of the wicked one kids dying people crying, longing for a better days ahead, standing in bread and food lines, people pushing and arguing to get to the head of the line. throwing shade to the old lady in the front of the line, standing with hunger and grief in her face.

as she takes baby and stutter steps  to the table, as someone else picks and dictates what they think you should have, as she clutch the bread and the fruits in a hurry too taste the food that  she can barley get it in her mouth , as you kindly standing behind her and open  up the food for her, and her drink and you  ask her to rest as you, kindly put the free items in her cart.

as she gently touch your face with acceptance and gratitude, for that little gesture as the line gets more hectic over time. and you never know this person of interest could be a angel that you entertained in disguise . because of the love and kindness you just displayed. knowing that you have to hurry up and get back in the line, because it help,  you and your family make ends meet,  just that extra that you are blessed with to make them ends meet .

the struggle, of life may seem hard at times and you may not know were your last dollar will, come from, or your next meal, but having faith for the assured things to come, every 30 or 31 days, you end up always making it and making due, and the time flies by so fast, you forget why you were stressing in the first place.

the struggle often lets you see others, not being as fortunate as you, the pain in there eyes, not having clean clothes to wear or having to wear the same clothes everyday for school, or work having to wash up in a gas station every morning while you strive to keep your job keeping ever secret that, you come to work everyday and go home to your car every evening.

but the struggle to help some one else, should not be and impairment to pay it forward, because as life goes on with its struggles and ups and down the person you may have helped and not expected anything in return.may be that one person down the line that will safe you from your struggles and keep you wondering were you entertained by angel:)

the struggle by helen davis

Tear stained pillow cases

My Tear stain pillowcase

 each stain on my pillowcase outline, my pain and storm and my happiness
and sorrows, my passions my desires, my pillow is like my best friend
 representing the only thing I Can hug and hold without passing judgement
or quick to return a response of negativity,.

  my pillow is never Passive-aggressive in behavior  having expression of hostility, such as through procrastination, sarcasm, hostile jokes, stubbornness, resentment, , or deliberate or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.
 for showing, the love, that I give, you, just saying thank you for the way you love me with every since of urgency
to make sure your fine and strait, not wanting nothing in return, but to make you stand tall and feel like a man or a love should feel.

the life you live is a turning  point for how the rest of your life should play out.  Know matter what you do in life, what you've done in life there's consequences for how your actions will effect the world , society and yourself.;
 But than you get yourself in a situation were drama will take a toll  on your mind-frame, were   you get so caught up that there no turning back, and we all know it take 5min to get in trouble and a lifetime getting out of it..

we all have our personal time and space, were we just want to be alone, to pray, to sort out life or what in the hell just happened to put me in this frame of mind, as old feelings and emotions, crowd your mind into thinking the what haves or the haves and the have nots.

my tear stain pillow as seen many days of happiness, of joy, joy and pain, as my head fits so perfectly on my pillow seeing all things of lust and passion, evening squeezing it so hard when that moment of pleasure starts
to seep out and you have to bury your face in your pillow to silence the noise and heated energy in that space and time.


my tear stained pillow is forever loyal, knowing i will replace its dressing with a clean fresh case, often knowing my loyalty, my cries will never be spoke about, are revealed to anyone.. what my heartfelt tears.
only the four walls, and me and my pillow in my room, only GOD knowing the contents, and the context  of every conversation said and spoken about in secrecy .

my pillow is always laying next to its partner, and matching mate even having the same dark blue pillow case. as i lay in bed next to my husband, with is his alone thoughts in his mind, and the conversations with his pillow. they only pillow talk that is revealed is the love we speak about to each other, and what we want more in our life together and for each other.

and when our bed is all alone in the privacy of our room, and our pillow case lay side by side. i often ponder the conversations they would have together if that was possible.

as my tears frame my face and my thoughts and emotions will ever be imprinted, as you connect the dots to my pain, my, sorrow, my happiness. like maze said in there song, joy, and pain, sunshine and rain,, joy and pain i want sunshine and rain. joy and pain i want sunshine and rain,

tear stained pillow cases by helen davis(burnett)

BACK IN THE DAY

back in the day life seem so simple,
back in the day, you could sit on your front porch at night at reminisce about the good ole days with your family, siblings, and real close friends of the family, that would be there for you at a drop of a hat.
back in the day when you would pop off and get sassy the neighbors who knew your parents were allowed to get on you when they saw you doing thing inappropriate  when your parents and family were not around, telling you to sit your fast tail down before I tell your moma and  daddy,'
back in the day
knowing that you  immediately better pay attention because of the respect you had for your elders, in the strict regulations in being raised to respect your elders, in the meantime respect is earned and not given, riding the fine line to talk back, to that nosey neighbor with you being a kid thinking they trying to get in your bizness in reality they were trying to warn you and guide your from running and falling in the trap of being disobedient just to hang with kids that parents let them run wild and come and go as they please thinking what fun they may be having playing double dutch on the front side walk, after the street lights came on, as cars with cute boys driving by with base in there system with them big ole house speakers in the back of there trunk or back seats
bumping run dmc hard times, and the ll cool j singing i need love

back in the day when you could buy lemon heads for ten cents at the corner store and you had 5 dollars and you could get a grip of  jolly rancher sticks you all ready noooooooo that apple was the bomb,
back in the day you knowing that the

The lemon head is the greatest candy someone could ever invent.its round tasty yellow, sweet, lemony, and sour at the same time, I love these tasty superior treats in my childhood and I love them now in my adulthood, I use to have to pack a week, I lied 4  packs a week,
Everytime I  put this treat in my mouth it reminds me of  back in the day .of doubledutch in the front yard of my grandma's house, doing the cheers that were popular back then like step step step by step helen my name love is my game I got this boy on my mind don't know his sign but virgo is mine so put a hip in your motion  and put it in slow motion oew she think she bad, bad enough to kick her beep or  step to the left step by step step to the right step by step it really doesn't matter who shakes the best hey hey cause I shake the best my name is helen and as you see hey hey cause when  I shake I make a blind man.  cheering with your home girls that live in your neighborhood brings back fond memories of just  going to the corner store buying chips for 50cents and now and laters, those our the bomb too. but it takes my mind back to a time of simple things in life,listeners let your mind drift back to listening to prince, and the beastie boys, the fat boys, going to the mall with your friends, eating doritos and pickles together, watching good times and whats happening, with that little girl dee,(what you talking about)  oh snap wrong show that was gary coleman that said that. but dee would say roger eww I'm ah tell moma . back in the day 
how about going to the skating ring with your friends trying to look cute and going around in circles to see if any cute boys are checking you out.  watching the movie purple rain over and over again. having your hair in either a basket weave of braids are a jerry curl,  and please dont forget wearing your hair in that tight asymmetrical hair cuts that salt n pepa use to wear while jamming to  I'll take your man on video soul and yo mtv raps that only came on , saturdays and you would tape your favorite videos on the vcr having it set to record next week to jam to your favorites .back than lite skinned black men with long curls were the thing. then a few years after that tall dark skinned balled  head dudes that wore basket ball jerseys and shorts that emulated there favorite basket ball team looking fly as  all get out, back in the day all these things I remember in my childhood and teen years  brings back fond memories and just eating your favorite candy brings you back to a time in your life of pure innocent fun.
back in the day just sitting and for a moment in time you get a respite in your memory bank to relive a time in your life and pay homage to a time period, when just reminiscing brings back fond times and memories, that continue to leave foot prints of the past while making new good memories in your future to join the legacy of the past and the present.

back in the day by helen burnett davis

To love or not to love a battle of your mind and body

As I ponder over and over in my mind, To love, or not to love, in my mind,, My mind its telling me no but my body is telling me yes, as r. Kelly would say, I have been in so many situations that made that song so appealing to my membranes. As I was being touch my mind would say if I let go to this pleasure would there be any regrets later?

will I be able to forgive myself for the decision I make knowing right from wrong and being raised in a religious household. Fighting a battle with my free will to entertain these thoughts of pleasure.

Seeing your friends go out to party and dances , while you stay at home looking out the window , wondering how fun it would be if you can just indulge in such a atmosphere of fun and camaraderie. while your grandparents calling you to read the next  verse in your bible study,

your friends asking you, can you go to the movies and can you go out on a date, and your grandparents on one shoulder saying bad associations spoils useful habits, and temptation on the other shoulder saying its okay, know one will no , if we meet and sneak to the park, are you and a bunch of your friends, meet at the movies, just say your going to spend the night over your best friend no problems no worries.

but deep down inside your asking yourself what should i do, because the bloom of youth is ever so present in your dynamics of growing into womanhood, as you know whats right from wrong always being showed in the bible God's word ever present in your mind, and way of life,

by not giving into temptation of sexual desire before being married, being that your body is a temple something special for both you and your prospective mate to enjoy in the boundaries of holy matrimony that the lord has set before us, not forsaking the marriage bed.

as you toss and turn its like your mind is in a battle field because you feel like your missing out on all the things your friends out in the world or partaking in, fun fun fun, while you sit at home being bored bored bored
then while you are sneaking and talking to this person of interest having feelings and catching feelings it may seem deep and loving to you, as you find your feelings getting stronger and stronger and the emotions like a tornado spinning out of control,

its like a tug of war when you're dealing with your emotions and desires, your pleasure zone goes sky high when you're in that moment of ecstasy and all thoughts of common sense is out the doorway, But then again in a split second in your mind speech bubble of your mental thought process  you conjure up the thoughts if a make love to this fool will there be a aftermath of problem or more pleasurable moments to come and by me letting myself go sexually will this progress into a meaningful relationship.

Or would the deceptive powers of my decision i made succumb to or  yield to superior strength or force  overpowering my appeal or desire to <succumb to temptation> 
or will my decision  to be brought to an end (as death) by the effect of destructive  and disruptive forces. that i allowed to be entertained in my life;

That leads you in this way of life, if you gave into the temptation, and your left all alone with a new life growing inside of you, the beautiful blessing of life, anew, by you praying for forgiveness, and have a repentive attitude for the almighty to give you the strength to cope and endure with this new journey and seasons you are about to partake in your life for 18 years to come,

we may all have fallen into this cycle one time or another in our life without being in union blessed by the almighty but the beautiful thing is, that He never we leave us, we always leave him, and by displaying the right heart condition, and teaching others whats required of us so, they won't succumb to the plows of this system of things, but having the gift of free will, what way it will guide us is a personal choice we personally have to make on our own,

but remember even if you slip , because the reality is humans our born into sin, that, it can always be rectified threw the blessings his and holy spirit, and if you just reach out and ask for forgiveness you always will be led into the right direction, to have  the true meaning of love, and that's true agape love always adapting the fruit-ages of the spirit in your way of life so when the battle of your mind and body, starts to wage war with you,
 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.Philippians 4:6

to love and not to love a battle of your mind and body by helen burnett-davis

betrayal

betrayal

is the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship amongst individuals, 

An act of betrayal creates a signature of foot prints  in both its victims and its trader,  exhibiting  negative behaviours, thoughts, and feelings. while creating confusion and the one hurt demanding some kind of atonement from this trader who in turn may experience guilt or shame, or remorse

 In the meantime the person having invested all this love, and commitment and sacrificing everything to be with this person, losing sight of all the things in life that meant a great deal to them, such as family, friends, your parents, God, or job, finances, building the person up to someone who you thought would have integrity, to make moves in the right directions, that will benefit not only you but the betrayer as well.

but when you find out this trust was broken violated in a way, feeling hurt to the depths of your inner being
especially when that person has a no care attitude, and you come out feeling like everything you invested in this relationship, was all a beautiful dream turned into a reality of a nightmare of unhappiness.

as the tears stain your pillow, each tear representing the love you once had for this person, each tear defining each milestone you thought the relationship was developing to, in the meantime your happy that you did not make this person your baby daddy without putting a ring on it first.

it may hurt to start over but with prayer, heartfelt prayer asking the lord to uplift the heavy pain and burden you our carrying from a love you thought was going to end up in a matrimonial love fest,enjoying this beautiful time with family and friends,

but that reality is all gone, and replace with the reality of betrayal like many daggers thrown your way, not having the energy to dodge a single blow of hate and dishonestly

after you finish your heartfelt prayers, you get up, looking at life in a better light a new prospective, that darkness turned into a light of happiness, no time for bitterness and throwing shade, not even thinking about giving that person, a single moment of your time, or energy to make you out to be a bitter person, lacking love and making it hard for the next person to show you true love without a shadow of a doubt having faith for the assured things to come that you will be blessed with someone that will honor, and respect you, and love you, like a person should,

now you are standing tall because you prayed and claimed happiness in your heart and your life, and being observant for the next time, observing the early warning signs if a love is not going to be something worth working for and sacrificing for. because by you showing love not hate to this perpetrator, not only are you following in the lords footsteps to love thy neighbor as oneself, 

your finally telling the latchkey to give back the keys of your heart because your not worthy of it, while giving them the side wink, keeping it moving with know turning and looking back,  just being happy and grateful that you found out the love you thought was beautiful and kind turn out to be a betrayal of a

Double crossing  deceive by double-dealing. deliberate collusion of a false love of betrayl

betrayal by  helen burnett-davis

remembering the longevity of love

remember the longevity of love

Will you love me when things are just not going the way you expected? Do you remember when you first said I love you? Will you love me when my hips are not as fine round and lovely?
do you remember when were making good money and things were looking great in our life? nice cars, money in the bank, always going places making moves doing things as a family?, and a couple,  do you remember are honeymoon? do you remember when we first prayed together?
I will never forget any of these things. even when we our going through bad times and hardships I will never forget when you first got your gray hair before me, how we laugh all the time about me trying to make homemade rolls and there not turning out so great. 

Calling them rocks, and how I always dose off and drop the remote and you have to keep reorder them, or when I got sick you quit your good job to care for me honoring our vowels in sickness and health, I will never forget the love you had in your eyes and still do when I came out of that operating room in one peace praying to the lord to bless me back to health so we can continue our journey of love and unconditional love for one another in such a matrimonial union, I remember when you asked me to love you and we shall never forsake or separate this union that no man shall pull apart when you remember these details in life, putting god first, your love, for your families and friends the love for your marriage, the love of your household stays grounded, the love making continues, the I love yous are ever more meaningful, and most of all the children stay happy. when you put god first remembering the good and the bad times in life. So never let your mind and heart forget to remember what you have in life,whats right in front of you,and that's  your family and the memories you continue to make as the years go by 
let the love continue our journey to pave the road for the long distance the miles we add on because of the strong love and the glue that makes it stick and bond together, the longevity striving to make this love a safe passage for our children and our children's  children to follow the path of true love despite the bumpy ride we endured during the best of times and not so grand of times, but always remembering the love, and this wonderful journey we took to get were we are now, leaving a legacy for the fundamentals blueprint of fundamentals of true love.

remembering the longevity of love
by Helen Davis

Throwing Shade

throwing shade

to talk trash about a friend or acquaintance, to publicly denounce or disrespect.

 throwing shade, it's immediately obvious to onlookers that the thrower, 

and not the intended target, is aware that the blinds of hate and disregard is about to be sidelined with intended daggers thrown there way at a attempt to clown them and make them feel less then common dirt on the ground, topped off with the side eye as to put more salt on the wound of jealousy and hate.

Throwing shade expressing one's criticism, disapproval, animosity, or scorn of varying levels of intensity towards another person.

because they got something you want, and you don't want to go through the motions of having the drive and the go get to strive to make something better in your life, so you use all your time and energy hating on the other person, that has accomplish the goals you desire to have in your life.

throwing shade pretending to be happy for your friend or acquaintance, but deep down inside harboring resentment and deceit , because blessing are abound and abundant to them. instead of being happy for that person, i mean genuinely happy for that person

that the almighty GOd has blessed them with the necessities of life because of there hard work, and having faith, and giving back to others, as if they claimed  the term paying it forward into conception .

in the meantime your causing havoc, with your malice words and thoughts to undermine the integrity of your friends character, for others to look down on, but not realizing your stirring the pot of hate, jealousy,malice,disregard,ungodliness, doom,drama, and when the pot is about to bubble over, with chaos, when the person who you have thrown shade too thinking the love of true friendship was among you two, was disguised with betrayal,

throwing shade, when the target that you intended to hurt forgives you and overlooks your behavior,giving suggestion that your put GOD in your life, to learn how to love , to learn how to be happy for your neighbor and learn how to love yourself as well as the other person of your target, because when you learn to love in the way GOD has intended true agape love only then is when ,the shades will open up, shining a bright light of love and happiness, and your blessings will be abound, and abundant and the shade of darkness will be lifted.

throwing shade by helen burnett-davis.